A Very Anime Christmas
by Yamiko Number 7
Summary: One authoress, five assorted bishie with no other place to go for the holidays, and LOTS of chaos. Needless to say, I had fun writing this one.
1. Tree Hunting

1**A Very Anime Christmas**

**By: Yamiko #7**

(A quick disclaimer before we start: I started writing this fic late December 2004 and never got it posted. I rediscovered it this year and randomly decided to try to finish it, hence the drastic change in writing style come Chapter Three. Chapters One and Two and the Authoress Blurb at the beginning of Chapter Three are all a year old: everything beyond that is new. Thanks for sticking with me on this one. n.n (The other disclaimer is that I own nothing.))

Hi there! If this gets posted at all, then it means I'm crazy. If it gets posted in time for Christmas, that means a miracle has occurred. :laugh: This was inspired by my family's annual hectic Let's-get-all-34-boxes-of-Christmas-decorations-unpacked-in-less-than-a-month routine.(Yes, we do have that many decorations. No, I have not actually counted the boxes, and by boxes I mean 16"x10"x8" cardboard boxes filled with miscellaneous decorations. We have about 7 boxes of tree ornaments, and they don't all fit on said tree anymore. Yikes.) So...it's kinda hard to explain, but I was just having fun toying with the idea. May have some language, but nothing naughty. (This is, after all, a Christmas fic.) So, in between all of your own Christmas shopping and tree-hunting and decorating and baking and whatever-else-you-do-this-time-of-year, please read and enjoy!

**Chapter One: Tree-Hunting**

_**Alternate Title: No Coats, No Hats, No Sleeves...And You Wonder Why You're Freezing**_

"Remind me why we're out here, again?"

"We're looking for a Christmas tree," Yamiko sighed for what had to have been the 300th time. "If you didn't want to come, Ed, you should have said something before we left." She was running low on patience, and she still couldn't find a tree.

"You never said we'd be trudging through a desolate wilderness in a never-ending search of the perfect spruce..."

"For God's sake, Ed, it's a Christmas tree lot," Yamiko replied, totally exasperated. "It takes up about ten spaces in the mall parking lot. It is NOT an endless wilderness. Now shut up and help me find something suitable so we can all go home."

"We're cold," Yami Yugi and Youko Kurama chorused.

Yamiko just sighed. "Well, it's 40 degrees outside and look at what you're wearing. No coats, no hats, no sleeves...and you wonder why you're freezing." At least Ed was wearing a coat. It was the same red trench coat he always wore, but hey, at least it was something. Yami and Youko were the only two who had refused to bundle up when Yamiko told them to, and it took all of her self-control not to say, "I told you so."

"We didn't think it'd be this cold outside," Yami whined plaintively.

"Yeah," Youko chimed in.

Yamiko stopped and turned to look at them (not an easy task, since neither one was at her eye level). "It's winter. In the Rocky Mountains. In Colorado. Seven thousand feet above sea level. What on God's green earth made you think it wasn't gonna be cold?"

The only reply from either bishie was a red-faced look look at their feet.

"Never mind," Yamiko sighed again and turned to continue her search. At least Duo and Vash were having fun playing hide-and-seek among the conifers. They were offering absolutely no help at all.

They weren't complaining, either. Yamiko decided to be grateful for small favors and looked at the branches of a promising tree.

All five guys had randomly shown up at her house the previous day, claiming they had nowhere to spend Christmas and asking to spend it with her. Yamiko, believing that more people really did make things merrier, had said yes.

She was only just now remembering that more people also made things more hectic. She was just about ready to take any old tree and leave, just to stop the complaining, when...

"Yamiko, Yamiko, I think we found something!"

"Okay, okay, I'm coming." What she really wanted to do was raise her eyes to heaven and say" Now what? Why me?"

Later, Yamiko would reflect on how amazing it was that the two hooligans who had consumed the most sugar at breakfast and had goofed around the most (having the lowest IQs was debatable, after what Youko and Yami had done) had managed to find the perfect tree.

After about a minute of inspection, Yamiko grinned. "Yep, this is it. I don't know how you two goofballs managed to do it, but you've found the perfect tree...and I hate to interrupt your little victory dance, but I need you to help me get it to the car."

Since I'm stuck for words (and I need to actually start doing my homework...), I'm ending the chapter here. I know, I know, it's a little slow (read: snail-pace), but I am working on it. It'll get better in the next chapter - after all, since we have a tree, we now have to decorate it...R&R, please!


	2. An Extreme Makeover For the Tree

1**A Very Anime Christmas**

**By: Yamiko #7**

Hello again and welcome to chapter two! (If any of you are still reading after the crap that was chapter one, which I am too lazy and uninspired to fix at this point in time...) We decorated the tree today, and I'm really tired...yeah. Seven-and-some-odd feet of pine needles, lights, and crystal ornaments (we don't do garland anymore since the cat tries to eat it O.o mmm yum). Now that we've decorated our tree, it's time for Yamiko and crew to decorate theirs... . R&R, please! Leave something Christmas-y in my mailbox. After all, 'tis the season!

**Chapter Two: An Extreme Make Over for the Tree**

_**Alternate Title: You Have The Weirdest Ornaments I've Ever Seen**_

"How many boxes of these things do you _have_?"

Yamiko set down the box she was carrying and rolled her eyes._ Again with the complaining? Jeez, Yami, gimme a break._ "Seven, But we're only using four of them."

Youko was eyeing the tree. "Because all seven would never fit on this thing."

"Hey!" Yamiko pointed to him. "You didn't help pick it out at all, so you have absolutely no right to complain." Turning back to her box, she added, "And no, you may not mark it."

Youko's eyes widened. "What do you..." Suddenly Youko understood. His eyes got even wider and his face turned a deep shade of red. "JEEZ! I wasn't going to...I...you are sick." He made a noise of disgust and stalked up the stairs. A stream of cursing floated down as he whacked his head against the patch of unusually low ceiling that hung over the staircase.

Yamiko shook her head. _And I need him to put lights on the top of the tree...maybe I should bribe him with Tylenol_. She shrugged and began taking ornaments out of their individual boxes and setting them on the table. Yami, Ed, and Vash, also laden with boxes of ornaments, set them down and followed her example. Duo was having too much fun testing strands of lights in the corner to notice his surroundings. He was content just to sit next to the outlet and watch the little lights chase each other through the bulbs, pleased that he could make them do this at will, thanks to the little switch at the end of the cord.

Yami raised an eyebrow at Duo's behavior. "Kind of a dim bulb, isn't he."

"This coming from the coatless wonder."

Yami just glared at Yamiko. She laughed, shrugged, and continued. "Sometimes he is...but he's fun to have around."

"Really." Now it was Ed with the raised eyebrow. Vash, completely oblivious to the conversation, was looking happily at the crystal fish and crab ornaments he had just unpacked.

"Well, yeah. Believe it or not, he's a really good cook." Yamiko nodded. "And he says the funniest things sometimes."

As if on cue, Duo looked up from his all-engrossing string of lights and said, "You know, this is like an extreme make over...for the tree!" Pleased with this incredibly deep observation, he nodded once and went back to watching his string of lights chase their multicolored compatriots. Bored with that, he then made them blink.

Ed blinked. "You mean...like that."

"Exactly!" Yamiko nodded and pulled a crystal giraffe with gold spots out of its box."He's a dork, but he's an amusing dork. Kinda like the rest of you, except more so."

"Well, it's nice to see that you're insulting us all in general now, instead of me specifically." Youko's voice floated down the stairs, followed by a loud WHACK. "OW! DAMMIT!"

"Watch out for the ceiling, dear," Yamiko said calmly amidst snickers from Ed and Yami. "You wouldn't want to hit your head."

"Thanks for telling me," Youko growled, thumping down the stairs and holding his head. "Now shut up and tell me where the painkillers are."

"Can't do both," Yamiko replied noncommittally, shrugging and removing a crystal mermaid and dinosaur from their boxes.

"Forget it," Youko snarled, turning and starting back up the stairs once again.

"Hey!" Vash called after him. "Watch out for the –"

WHACK! "AAARRRRRRRGH!"

"...um...okay...nevermind..."

And Vash went back to his ornaments.

And that, folks, is the end of Chapter Two. So we never actually got the tree decorated...just assume that it magically happens and that I'm too: a)bored, b)busy, or c)brain-dead to actually describe the process to you. I still have several more chapters to write in this thing, and I want to get it done by Epiphany, which is January 6, which is in four days...crap. Like that'll happen. Well, I can dream...

By the way, every ornament described in this chapter is one that is actually owned by my family. The crystal ones aren't nearly as interesting as the others, but again, I was BORED. I can't get any more Chrno Crusade for several days, and I don't want to watch any FMA at the moment since I'd rather not be angsty and depressed for the rest of the night. (I was angsty and depressed after watching Chrno Crusade...but that's beside the point.) Anyway...I'll try to get this darned thing done and posted soon. After that, it's on to other fics, homework, room-cleaning, watching and returning the various things I've borrowed, and everything else I've neglected over break. And back to school the day after tomorrow. Whoo-friggin'-hoo.

With nothing else to say...see you next chapter! Please R&R!


	3. Oh, Fudge: Literally

1**A Very Anime Christmas**

**By: Yamiko #7**

Hi everybody! At this point in time, I should be wishing you all a happy 2005...unless you're Chinese. Then I won't be wishing you a happy 2005, year of the...of the...(grabs her Chinese Zodiac reference guide (which is really an old placemat from a Chinese restaurant...I'm pathetically low-budget) and adds 12 years)...year of the Rooster...until sometime in February. Oh well. (Shrugs) Happy New Year, all!

Now that the best wishes are out of the way...I'm going to do something a little OOC. I'd like to apologize for my general lack of fiction for the past year or so. Would any of you believe that school has eaten my life? No? Then how about homework? Chores? Still no? Okay...how about the fact that I'm trying to finish three, no, four different animes at the same time before their assorted due dates roll around? Oh, THAT you'll excuse. (laugh) Shows what all of our interests are, huh? Well, at least understand that I'm trying to survive here, and fanfiction is not exactly at the top of my list. (If I put any hobbies before homework, not only will it turn around and bite me in the ass, but my mother will KILL ME. KILL. With BIG SHARP POINTY BITS OF PAIN. Bad plan, to say the least.) As soon as I finish this one, I swear I'll finish the chapter of FullMetal Alchemist and the Philosophers Stone ASAP. It's just that I wrote it once already and was happy with it, and when my computer spontaneously deleted the second half, I didn't really feel like rewriting it. :shrugs: Sorry. I'll try to get it done soon, promise!

Anyway, back to the work at hand. Has anybody ever tried to achieve anything culinary with five clueless males in the kitchen? Neither have I. All I can say is, good luck Yamiko... n.n

**Chapter Three: Oh, Fudge...Literally**

_**Alternate Title: Shorty Works Out His Anger Issues.**_

"Can I lick the bowl?"

"Sure, Duo." Yamiko grinned. "After I put the batter into the pan."

"Awwww...!" Duo scuffed his heel on the floor.

Yami laughed. "Nice try. It works better if you do this." He reached towards the bowl with the most innocent-looking face he could muster.

Yamiko smacked his hand with the spatula. "Back! And-" She whirled around to face a Yami rubbing his rubber-beaten hand, a Duo trying and failing to make sufficiently cute puppy-dog eyes, a Youko rolling his eyes at the antics of his compatriots and still trying to get over his threefold headache from last chapter, and a laughing Vash. "-The next person to attack my cake without permission before it is sufficiently baked and frosted will be severely beaten!" She realized she was gesticulating at them with a spatula. "With this!" She improvised, waving the aforementioned spatula threateningly.

Yami eyed it warily. "Really."

"Yes. Really. Now go downstairs and see if you can find the marshmallow creme. I don't know how much of a mess it will be down there after Duo's little quest for the chocolate chips." That had been a royal disaster. Duo had somehow missed the fact that the chocolate chips were kept in the freezer (read: he wasn't listening, as usual), and had created a disaster area by the shelves in his search for them.

Despite his status as a "really good cook," Duo had since been demoted from "kitchen worker" to "mere spectator."

"Kind of a pain just for a little bit of fudge, isn't it." Yami was clobbered halfway down the stairs by a flying spatula. "Yeow! What was that for?"

"For insulting my mother's fudge recipe!" Yamiko called down to him. "This is the best darn fudge ever!" She held up her hand as Yami opened his mouth to protest. "Before you start, let me tell you this: there are twenty-some-odd spatulas in this house, and all of them are in this little drawer right in front of me. You already know my aim is good."

Yami blinked. "I...think I'll go get the creme." He turned and galumphed down the stairs.

"Thank you," Yamiko called lightly after him.

"Hey." Youko snapped his fingers as if he'd just though of something. "Where's shorty?"

Everybody just looked at him. Youko was nearly seven feet tall - everybody else was "shorty" in comparison.

Youko rolled his eyes. "I mean the short shorty." He made hand motions indicating a height about the level of his waist.

Yamiko grinned. "That was eloquent." She turned back to her fudge mixture and waved offhandedly towards the door to the garage. "He's out there, working out his anger issues."

Youko, Vash, and Duo blinked, exchanged equally confused glances, and headed towards the garage door to see for themselves. A quick scuffle for dominance left Duo as the designated door-opener and potential target for these "anger issues."

Duo opened the door slowly and poked his head out. After several seconds devoid of violence, Vash poked his head out above Duos, and Youko stuck his out above both of them to watch the spectacle.

Ed was kneeling on the cold cement floor of the garage, a Ziploc baggie full of unwrapped candy canes before him and a rolling pin in his fist. As the three watched from the door, the red-coated anger-issued teenager raised the rolling pin and brought it crashing down upon the poor Ziploc baggie, effectively crushing the doomed candy canes. He did it again. And again. And again, a slightly demonic smile on his face the entire time.

Vash, Duo, and Youko pulled their heads again and, shutting the door quietly, leaned against the door and the two opposing walls.

"Those are some scary anger issues," Vash breathed. The other two just gave wide-eyed nods. All three then raced down to the basement on the pretext of "helping Yami find the marshmallow creme."

Yamiko waited until they were out of earshot before sitting down and having a good laugh at their unwitting expense.

"Yamiko?" Ed entered from the garage, the rolling pin in one hand and the baggie filled with candy cane smithereens in the other. "Where d'ya want these?"

"Give me that -" Yamiko took the rolling pin. "-and put the poor beaten peppermint remains over there." She gestured vaguely towards an unoccupied counter.

"Mmkay." Ed, for once in his life, did as he was told, already dreaming of the white-chocolate-peppermint fudge he had been promised for his efforts. "By the way, if you ever need somebody to do this again..." He turned to Yamiko and grinned.

"Yeah, yeah, I know." She laughed. "So whose face were you imagining on the Ziploc this time?"

"The colonel's."

Yamiko whirled around and pointed the rolling pin at him threateningly.

Ed put his hands up in a Don't-Hurt-Me gesture. "Colonel...Mustang..." he said slowly.

Yamiko shrugged and turned back to the fudge already in progress, whirling the rolling pin and tucking it expertly under her arm. "The rest of the guys are downstairs looking for the marshmallow creme. Why don't you go help them?"

"Umm...okay." Ed shrugged and headed down the stairs.

Yamiko put the rolling pin on the counter. Youko, Duo, and Vash had probably told Yami all about Ed's so-called "anger issues." Maybe sending Ed down there with them hadn't been such a good idea after all.

But they kind of deserved it. They had all caused some sort or another of trouble for her over the past two days.

Except for Vash. He hadn't done anything.

At least, not yet.

Yamiko shrugged and went back to her fudge.

Wow, a whole year and I've finally managed to finish another chapter. Woohoo! ...This would be a bit more satisfying if anybody aside from me actually cared. n.-

Oh well. I'm happy, at least. Now to finish up all my other chapters in progress before I get mobbed by people who are actually reading my other fics and actually want more...yeah, all five of you.

There may not be a bit for a while, though…I just finished watching FullMetal Alchemist and I need some time to wrap my brain around the ending. The scary thing is, I understood every bit of it…kowai. O.o

Anyway, until next chapter…Merry Christmas!


End file.
